20 SEPTEMBER 2016
Assalamualaikum and hi!
Ya ampun. Mohon cari vakuum sedut semua habuk berkumpul dalam blog ni. Haha. Lama benor tak bukak. Last update was in April. Dasar pemalas. Hoho. Bukan apa. Hari tu kemain semangat tau aku menaip cerita pasal cuti la pergi sana sini, panjang berjela aku taip. Tapi sebab aku update dalam phone so, masa nak upload gambar tetiba hang and page was forced closed. Hilang semua. Tak mengamuk aku masa tu? Pikir duit takde nak beli phone baru je, nyaris phone ni nak beraya makan lantai.
Haha anyway. Since now I've got the chance to update. Ni pun sebab tak boleh tido. Dahlah esok kelas awal pagi. Dasar tak sedar diri jasmin. Haha. And selalunya menaip di sini mula la sebab ada benda berserabut.
But berserabut tak sangat, since now my second semester just started. Yep, the sem break was over. God time sure flies. Dua bulan cuti kejap je. Ni dah berserabut balik. Haha. But everything is going just fine. Sem ni lagi tough la. Aku masuk kelas pun dah kecut perut takut nak belajar. Kena struggle lebih dari sem lepas. And by the way, I am so grateful for my result. Alhamdulillah. Rezeki, dan mungkin lebih kenapa nasib. Merasa dean list walau atas pagar. Mohon kekalkan jasmin, ptptn ko bukannya sepuluh hengget. Haha.
So yes that's just how my hectic life is going. I have too many things piled up in my chest, as if it gonna burst. Rasa nak meluah, tapi rasa macam leceh. Rasa nak orang dengar tapi rasa macam merimaskan orang menyusahkan orang. Even in my own blog which was created in purpose of writing and telling what are burdening and messing up my mind, but I can't seem to write anymore.
You know what. Sometimes I really want someone to try hard for me, as hard as I would do for them. It is tiring you know, for always be the one who always try harder when others don't even give a damn about you. It is tiring to be the one who always need to start things first. I am just tired. Rasa penat. Rasa tawar hati. Rasa benci. Rasa menyampah dengan diri. Why do I have to care? for God's sake why?
And right now. I really regret for opening up to people and be honest with what I'm starting to feel. I messed things up. I messed everything. This awkwardness. I just hate it. And I can't even say hi spontaneously like before without thinking: terhegehnya seorang jasmin. Seriously? Why and why do I always fall for someone who ignores me, yet I ignore this one person who always try and try.
Lets just stop this all jasmin. Stop. And stop.
