30 OCT 2017

Hi oh my god I'm so excited to write in here again! Lama sangat dah tak bukak blog ni hahaha pemalas don't blame me I'm so lazy in everything but tonight I feel like I miss typing and writing in here so yeahhh.
It's really been  a while I forgot already when was the last time I wrote in here. I'm already in my 4th semester and currently busy with all works and assignments. And this sem we already started with lesson plans and will soon start with our microteaching. Nervous namati ok bukan pernah mengajar lagi and I don't even know what I will do. Kena creative la innovative la apa la aku ni dah la otak kayu haha.
Stress jugak lah nak hadap. Like why do I even need to be creative? Just go and teach lah aduhai haha. But then that's life. At the end of the day you'll shit in our pants bak kata lecturer aku. But I guess being busy is good maybe you don't have time to think about ridiculous things. Go on with this busy life and do what you have to do. Why stop for people kan?
So personally and emotionally I'm not that stable but nahhh, I'll manage. Dah malas nak pikir even though at times I'm still disturbed with my own feelings. But really, I'm striving to be heartless. Haha. Maybe that's easier right like you don't give a damn about those who don't bother to care about you anymore. So I'm just gonna treat them the way they treat me. Easy.
Nah. That's all. Too lazy to think of what else to write. Enjoy life peeps! Annyeong!

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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1 JULY 2017

Assalamualaikum and hye! Rasa macam tak lambat lagi nak ucap, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin! Hari ni dah raya ke 7, and here I am melangut dekat kolej sensorang. Sadis oi kena balik awai kes tiket habis so menumpang la sepupu aku balik ke sini. Dok sorang sorang pulak sebab kawan kawan lain dok asyik lagi dekat rumah beraya tak habis lagi.
So raya kali ni, memang cuti tak macam last year lah sebab final lepas raya, tapi sempat lah beraya sakan jugak and plus, ada reunion dengan kawan kawan lama. Seronok betoi jumpak kawan kawan lama rasa macam diri tua pulak haha. Well raya first tahun ni tak pi mana, kawan kawan pun tak jumpa dan tak pi beraya rumah kawan kawan pun. Sedih betul. Pujaan hati pun tak pi beraya rumah. Eh? Hahaha just joking.  Entah mana wujud pujaan hati tetiba. So ya ya nak letak gambaq.

RAYA PERTAMA

Selamat Hari Raya dari kami sekeluarga

Kelab bujang turun temurun anak cucu Tok Jah 

Raya ni jumpa Asma ja dengan Jihah, and I looked slim, so I loike this picture :P

RAYA KEDUA

Sedondon, tak tau beza mana mak mana anak haha.

Raya kali ni satu set baq hang, rasa macam matang sikit kikiki

REUNION 2.O SK PEDU BATCH '95

Aku tukang pantau budak budak ni membakar satay sebab takut hancus semua haha

Bapa kerat ja laki hat lain entah ke mana

The ladies

Kat bendang sambung photoshoot sebab haruslah, anak Kedah kot

Kalut nak jadi pengapit katanya, siap payung bagai haha

Amer: tolong jadikan aku lelaki pujaan ramai
Okay la tolong la

Cis letih jengket oi

We rock!

Tuan rumah a.k.a sepupu ka dua pupu sendiri

HAHAHA kkk depa tolak suruh ambik gambaq sekali,
ini kekasih lama zaman cinta monyet :P

Kalau ikutkan gambaq banyak namati jenuh la nak bubuh haha. Tapi seronok jumpa kawan kawan lama, kekasih lama? Hahahah k tu lawak sampai sekarang pun dok kena perli kena kenen lagi dengan budak budak ni. Famous betul scandal kami dulu 10 tahun berlalu pun orang ingat lagi ahaha. Move on la kanak kanak kami pun dah lama move on dah besaq dah masing masing la ni jumpa pun jadi segan teringat zaman muda mudi dulu dok gaduh gaduh musuh pahtu jatuh cinta hahaha xD Gitu sangat cinta hidung pun berhingus lagi waktu tu.

Apapun we did enjoy our gathering so much and I'm glad that we still get along very well walaupun masa mula mula jumpa semula last year ramai yang ingat ingat lupa dah sebab dah lama tak jumpa. Harap next year and next next ada lagi peluang nak anjurkan reunion macam ni.

Okay that's it for now. Bye bye! And yeah, wish me goodluck for my final exam!

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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15 APRIL 2017

Sekali lagi, lama tak jumpa hang wahai blog haha. Setiap kali aku bukak blog ni ja au ulang ayat yang sama. Sebab memang dah kenyataan aku dah lama tak bukak blog ni. Busy oi. 
La ni dah minggu ke 6 lecture, and we got 2 more weeks before midsem break. Ya Tuhan aku rasa masa macam lama sangat berlalu. Kenapa lambat sangat entah aku dok pikir nak balik ja la ni dah dua bulan kot tak balik. Dok sini lama lama bosan aku dok ulang benda yang sama. Dengan banyak kerja nya aduhai. Aku tak tau kenapa sem ni aku macam malas betul. Demotivated sangat pergi kelas pun. Dulu tiap kelas ada notes la aku dok salin la ni dengan notes bercampur, fail yang selalunya aku buat untuk setiap subjek pun dak, pen pun langsung aku tak rasa nak beli baru. Entahlah. Takut tu ya takut subjek banyak yang tough jugak eventhough sem ni ada 3 subjek ja yang ada final. Jasmin pemalas! Itu ja sebabnya ni memang susah nak ubat dah penyakit malas. 
Biarlah tu. Aku sebenarnya terpikir, kenapa kita mimpi orang? Haha. Orang kata kalau kita mimpi orang maknanya orang tu ingat kita, or actually kita yang ingat dia. Gosh. Dulu selalu kalau aku tak contact dengan orang lama gila, pahtu tiba tiba aku mimpi orang tu mesti esoknya papp muncul secara tiba tiba. Semalam pun macam tu. Ya tuhan terkejut bangun tido baru dok pelik dalam mimpi sebab tiba tiba jumpa orang yang dah lama tak bertegur, terjaga cek phone tengok tengok ada mesej hahaha. Petanda apakah? Banyak kali jugak jadi macam tu, so aku akan anggap yang ok itu satu petanda ada orang nak tegur haha. Tapi kadang kadang ja la jadi macam tu bukan selalu. Kalau selalu memang dah jadi ahli nujum dah.
Tapi aku selalu takut kalau mimpi gigi patah. Banyak kali jugak tiap kali aku mimpi gigi tercabut ka gigi patah ka, esoknya mesti ada berita orang meninggal. Ingat lagi aku pernah mimpi geraham aku tercabut, memang terasa betul betul dalam mimpi tu, dok esok nya mak aku bagitau Cik Aju dah takdak. Cik Aju tu kawan mak dengan ayah aku and he was so close to us, dah macam pakcik sendiri rapatnya. Banyak tolong family kami, so masa dia takdak tu memang terasa sangat sangat. Sekali lagi mimpi gigi aku tercabut semua and then esoknya mak aku bagitau yang paklong aku takdak. So bila aku mimpi patah gigi ka apa mesti aku dah tak sedap hati, takut. Nauzubillahiminzalik lah kan, mintak jauh benda benda tak elok.
Dulu pun banyak kali aku mimpi roh naik ke langit. Mimpi tu memang rasa aku tengah tidur and roh aku pelan pelan naik tinggi and tinggi ke langit. Memang rasa real sangat sangat sampai dalam mimpi tu aku dok ulang tanya, aku dah mati ka. And then aku akan cakap, ini mimpi ni cepat bangun cepat bangun. Sampai la aku terjaga. Dulu seram jugak, ya lah mana tau dah sampai ajal kan takut mimpi macam tu. La ni alhamdulillah dah lama tak dapat mimpi macam tu. Dulu tiap kali mimpi roh naik langit tu mesti tiap kali jugak aku akan marah diri sendiri untuk bangun cakap aku tengah mimpi, sebab aku takut huhu.
So yeah, that's about it. Aku tengah bosan aduhai sebab dok buat report and I just don't know what else to write in my report so I end up writing here instead hahaha. That's it. No more idea what to write. Bye. See you when I see you. By the way, tak sabar nak raya !

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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23 FEBRUARY 2017

Hey. Whoa this is my first post in 2017! Happy new year dear blog. Haha. Dah nak masuk bulan ketiga baru nak wish happy new year? Haha.
Dah. Aku tak boleh tidor. Entohler. Makin menjadi jadi pulak kebelakangan ni. Entah apa la yang ada dalam otak aku ni. 
Lama tak meluah. Uiii taktau nak meluah kat sapa so rasa nak menaip pulok. K maybe teringat dekat orang kot. It's been quite a while lah kan si Jasmin ni ingatkan orang. It took me quite a time to move on haha aduh it was so pathetic. But nevermind, let past be in the past.
It's about now. I just recently felt like I've liked someone. I've known him quite a while. A close friend I can say. Entahlah cemana boleh terjatuh hati. Sebelum ni memang la rapat lama jugak tapi tak terpikir pulak. But then maybe after what happened to me I was quite frightened to open up to people. Asyik nak menyampah ja cepat nak menyirap. So I was okay with him sebab kenal dah agak lama and he is a mature one, walaupun most of the time hambar but yeah maybe sebab aku rasa selesa kot. Haha. 
But then things happen. I tried to control I tried to ignore. This time I don't want to repeat the same mistake kan. So when I realized that I like him, I told him the truth. Hahaha omg what have I done. Masa tu macam entah tetiba mana dapat kekuatan dok melawak lawak tetiba terjujur. But then I try hard to pretend that it never happened. I am trying hard to pretend that I am cool with all this. Hakikatnya, of course things change a bit.
Before this masa rapat pun I didn't really bother if we kept in contact or not. But now of course kenkadang macam tertunggu kan. And sure, sebab I don't want to be like before, tak mau lebih lebih takmau tunjuk sangat perasaan sendiri so I build up my ego. Dia tak contact so aku pun tak contact. Sebab aku takmau hegeh. Haha. Awal2 payah jugak sebab memang dulu dah biasa kan apa2 aku kacau ja dia. Tapi sekarang dah lain la, I can't do that because I am too concerned about what he'll feel about me bothering him.
We rarely get in touch. Awal awal payah jugak because I tend to look for him first. Yelah dah dulu biasa macam tu. Kawan kan. Dengan dia la aku kutuk aku bergaduh kenkadang. Walaupun selalu hambar je dia tu jawapan sama dari zaman aku kenal sampai sekarang. Haha. But then there's something about that hambarness that makes me happy when thinking about it. 
So I made up my mind that I won't try so hard and I don't want to expect so much. Because I don't want to get hurt again. Kalau ada, adalah. Kalau takdak at least I won't get hurt so bad. 
He's busy with work. And I try making myself busy so I won't get drown in the thought of him. Most of the time berjaya la. I mean, takdakla ingat melampau lampau. Tapi kenkadang tu, teringat tu macam teruk jugak la. Macam sekarang ni haa kan aku tak boleh tido ni kes ni la ni haha.
Tapi tulah. Pikir banyak pun takdak pekdah jugak. Since aku sendiri pun tak tau dia rasa macamana. Aku bagai nak rak ingat dia pun kalau dia tak ingat aku buat apa kan. So as I said, kalau ada, adala. Kadang2 aku rasa aku ego tinggi jugak. Because yeah I prevent myself from looking for him first. Tapi awal2 dulu selalu gak gagal. Because I was concern about how was he doing. Macamana kerja ok ka. So sebab aku still eager to look for him first, I decided to delete his number. Haaa. Walaupun dua tiga kali jugak aku buat gitu, pahtu mintak balik number dia when he contacted me. Hahaha. Dengan alasan, aku terpadam, aku tukar phone.
Sorry lah. Haha. The truth is yes I deleted your number. Because I don't want to look for you, I don't want to be the one who needs you more. Sebab rasa macam bertepuk sebelah tangan so I don't want to get worse. Tapi selalu tak jadi jugak. Sebab walaupun jarang, he'll still contact me to ask how am I doing. Tapi kadang2 rasa nak marah jugak. Haha pening kan. Aku rasa nak marah bila aku teringat dia and dia langsung tak contact aku bila aku tak cari dia. Tapi bila dia contact aku pun aku rasa nak marah jugak, because he confuses me. Because I will get my expectation up.
But the truth is, I am just getting angry at myself. Sebab aku taktau when did I start to like him and I still think that this feeling I have, had ruined our friendship. Kadang kadang ada jugaj rasa menyesal sebab I was honest with what I feel. Sebab kalau tak at least sebelum ni aku cari dia main redah ja. Ikut dan aku ja takdak rasa apa. And even when I started to like him, masa tak jujur lagi tu, aku selalu cari dia dengan alasan aku bosan. Haha. Selalu kena kecam masa tu katanya aku jujur sangat cakap cari dia sebab bosan 😂
No lah. I never looked for you just because I was bored. It was because I wanted to talk to you. Bosan tu alasan je. Tapi sekarang aku tak boleh dah nak buat macam tu. Because he knows what I feel, and I don't want him to feel burdened by that. I don't want him to feel sympathy for me. And most importantly, aku taknak kitorang makin renggang sebab rasa awkward. Aku selalu takut dia awkward dengan aku, tapi aku tau sebenarnya aku yang jadi awkward dengan dia.
I don't want to lose you as my friend. Sebab tu aku rasa bersalah bila pikir balik the fact that aku terjatuh suka. Well, I just wanna thank you for being there before. Aku tau aku pernah meroyan persoalkan semua benda masa tengah broken namati dulu. But you were one of my friends that were there, reminding me that I would get better. Masa tu aku menyampah dengan semua orang but I could still talk to him and listen to his advises. And his lame jokes. Seriously he is so hambarrrr. Hahaha.
I must have fallen for him. Selalu aku tak boleh go kalau orang hambar ni memang aku rasa nak sembur je and tarik muka. But this fella, memang la selalu kena sembur jugak bila dia hambar but then, aku boleh senyum macam orang gila teringat kehambaran dia tu haha.
Kkkkk. Dah la. Haha. Apa apa ja la. Kalau ada jodoh, ada lah. Hey but if you ever happen to read this, my mom likes you. K. Haha
K tak tak saja menggeletis. But the fact that we rarely contact each other, and that makes me remember him more. But surprisingly, I can go on with my life, not thinking much about him. But there'll be some times I allow myself to think about him. But, yeah don't let that feeling controls you kan. 
Take care there. I don't know how to show. And I don't want to show that I care. And I don't want you to know that I do think of you. Better be like this. Kan. Because I don't know if we have this same feeling or it's just me. So better like this, when you consider me as a friend. So it's not that I don't care or that I've stopped caring, but it's just that I'm trying so hard to stop showing it. Lets not be awkward. Just like how we were before.
I hope one day everything will get clear. So that I don't ruin anything anymore. Haha. K dah habis. Bye bye..

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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