Things Gonna Be Okay

Because of you. I don't know how to let anyone else in. Because of you. I find it hard to trust everyone around me. Because of you. I am afraid. Because of you. I try my hardest just to forget everything. Because of you I'm ashamed of my life, because it's empty, since the day you left. Nothing seemed okay. Nothing went right. During the day I'm happy. But at night I'm dying. Missing is hurting me too bad. Knowing you are such on ease without me hurts even more.. but still, it's still you. I know. I hope hatred will make things easier. But to hate, definitely not that easy. I was wrong thinking love can turn into deep hatred that easy. So why bother hating and forgetting and hurt myself even more.
Nevermind. I know sooner or later I will forget everything. Just like now. Time is functioning quite well I guess. I can't continue longing loving or missing. Nor can I forget everything by force. So I keep every single thing about you. Deep in my heart. It's you. Even you hurt me too bad. You crashed me into pieces. You stabbed me right in the heart. And you crashed the heart that once you asked me to hand it over you. Saying that it was just an accident. You accidentally fell into me. You accidentally liked me. And now everything is gone. Because they never meant anything to you. I know. I know it all. I understand it all. Am I dumb enough? To still, missing those smiles and laugh you used to create on my face? I remember those smiles and laugh, until I forgot this heart that had turned into pieces. It hurts. It hurts me to death. But I somehow forget the pain, because I'm still busy remembering all those laughter. 

Only thing I have with me, is the memory about everything. How it started. How it grew along time. And exactly how it ended. I remember it all. Well, when I'm sad, let me use those memories to cherish myself for a while. Can I? Let me. Nothing more. Just let me cherish everything for a while. I need something to make me stronger too right. At least, while I'm still remember everything right now. Because one day, time will vanish everything away from me. I'm waiting for that moment. Moment when I become me. The old me. Before everything started. The moment, I have no single idea about you existing and living in this world.

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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Continue

Didoakan semoga urusan pengambilan lesen kereta Jasmin berjalan selancar mungkin. Didoakan Jasmin berani nak tekan pedal minyak. Didoakan kereta tersebut tak bertukar jadi kapal terbang. Didoakan kereta tersebut tak bertukar menjadi kapal selam atau kapal korek terowong. Didoakan cikgu tersebut sebaik dan semurni sabun Breeze ditambah downy. Didoakan Jasmin tak langgar mana mana monumen atau binatang liar atau sebarang habitat semulajadi ataupun buatan. Didoakan semoga nanti Jasmin seberani Badang yang menangkap raksasa lalu memakan muntahnya sebagai pencuci mulut. Didoakan semuanya berjalan lancar umpama traffic di Kuala Lumour saat semua balik ke kampung beraya haji. Didoakan Jasmin tak jadi pengecut atau penggelabah seolah seekor lipas melihat Ridsect. Okay. Didoakan semuanya okay bukan kay-o. Oh satu lagi. Sempena cuti sem didoakan Jasmin maintain tak bertukar jadi bola keranjang mahupun bola pingpong sekalipon.

Life's been much better. Like it or not. Truth will always hurt you the most even truth is the one that you want. When the truth is revealed. You'll be hurt. But. You'll be fine. You'll gain more courage more than you ever expected. Yes. Truth will hurt. But with knowing the truth, you'll know exactly your next step. You'll know the exact action you must take, for yourself. Love others, but never forget to love yourself more. I leave everything behind. As my past. No more longing. No more missing. All things left, are just regrets. Regret for believing in fake dreams that being told to me as they were true. So, goodbye everything. See how I'll live with every pieces of my crashed heart. I'll be fine. In fact, I'm feeling great. Because at least, I know that it's time for me to stop comforting myself that all those dreams were true. Because now I can see clearly, they were all just fake.

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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Semester Break's Here

Hai people ! So, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha walaupun dah berapa hari lepas. How was your raya? Must be good right, especially yang beraya sakan ngan family kat rumah. Walaupun kesian dekat sorang dua yang beraya kat kampus. Haha jangan ingat tak ada. Kawan aku contohnya. Tu lah Emeer, sapa suruh kau asal dari Sabah sana kan dah tak balik. Tapi sebenarnya sebab dorang ada paper. Haha
Semester break has started. Kali ni agak lama, sebulan lebih jugak. So memang membulatkan diri je lah keje kan. Awal balik raya semua pakat kata aku dah surut (kurus) sikit jelah. Takleh belah sampai makcik aku sendiri tanya, ni anak sapa tak pernah tengok pon. Amboi makcik menipu. Rasa macam terperli pon ada. Haha podah. Padahal dalam hati seronok. Sepanjang aku hidup ni kali pertama makcik aku kata aku dah kurus sampai over tak kenal. Terharu seketika. Tapi datangnya raya mengusir jauh kegembiraan. Baru tak sampai seminggu aku duduk rumah, aku sudah terasa seolah olah kembali menjadi bola. Alahai lantak kau lah badan malas aku nak pikir -..- Dah asyik letak makanan depan aku, mana bisa ku butakan mata! Lalu Alhamdulillah perut diusap kekenyangan seperti ular sawa. 
Wani kata : Don't worry kita gemuk bersama. Lalu si Yana menyahut gembira : Aku tidak lagi keseorangan. Tengkorak betul budak budak ni. Sumpah rindu. Haha. Baru seminggu tak jumpa. Dah rasa macam lama sangat aku tak membuli. Ingat si Yana sampai menangis sebab aku cakap aku dekat majlis tunang aku. Aku kena tunang paksa. Padahal tunang kawan mak aku. Dia kata dia kesian kat aku sebab kena paksa, sampai nak wechat mak aku katanya. Terharu pon ada bila dia kata, aku taknak tengok kau menangis lagi weh. Yang si Yana ni pon sampai musim bendul dia tu memang tahap tak hengat sampai menangis tersebak, terbantut selera nak makan dokong katanya. Padahal aku dengan Bella dah terbahak gelak sebab pakat nak menipu si Yana. Hahahahaha.  Tapi memang terharu, sampai menangis kawan aku sorang tu hanya sebab kesian bayangkan aku kena paksa ngan family. Sabor je lah aku dengan kebendulan dia yang bermusim tu.

Sambil baca dengar dengar. Sebab rindu dekat kengkawan

so dengar lagu ni buat hilang rindu.

So sebulan cuti, buat mende je. Aku, sebab sebulan ni memang membuta je kat rumah so dipaksa rela oleh bonda Gee untuk pergi ambik lesen kereta. Baru pegi daftar. Mak aih. Mahal tak hengat. Dengan tambah modul la mende akak tu merepek tadi. Kena buat statik lain then ada laluan S laluan Z apa benda pon tak tau. Pastu mula la mak nak potpet kata aku dulu takmau dengaq kata dia. Kalau ambik lepas SPM dulu murah la sikit pastu takde la menyusahkan nak statik semula la apa semua. Ok bonda ok mengaku salah, tapi semuanya berhikmah what. Cewah dan dan. Tapi takut jugak nak ambik lesen kereta ni. Bab kena perli konfem dah. Siap dah kena.

 " Takut tak nampak jalan depan ke? "

" Jangan lupa letak lapik atas kusyen tu "

Peh panas je rasa. Haha. Aku ni memang la pendek tapi ok je nampak. Yang lagi pendek dari aku pon boleh bawak kereta, ni pulak aku. Berlagak gila. Haha padahal memang masa mula aku try bawak keta mak aku tu, aku tak nampak pon -.- Tapi relekslah ye dak. Orang lain boleh takkan aku tak boleh. Walaupun memang time aku bercakap dengan orang aku kena mendongak sampai lenguh tengkuk aku kadang kadang, especially cakap ngan Jayson -.- Come on. Self esteem is the most important part. Asal yakin je mesti boleh punya lah. Tapi kalau apa apa terjadi dekat keta tu, jangan salahkan aku lah. Dah nama pon budak baru nak ambik lesen kan. Harapnya sempat la dapatkan lesen masa cuti sem ni. Nak jugak rasa mendongak bawak keta. Ni kawan kawan aku yang lain semua asyik pulas stereng aku dok start moto kadang hidup kadang tak lagi.

So, didoakan semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. So lepas ni boleh la merasa bawak keta takyah nak merempit lagi dah. Pastu for sure akan jadi driver. Wajib punyalah, sebab tu kemain si Yana, Wani dengan Bella tu menyuruh aku ambik lesen. Diri sendiri taknak gi ambik. Podah punya kawan kawan. Nasib baik sayang. Ok, daa ! Enjoy this song

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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Re-evaluate

Bila orang kata kat aku, kenapa kau give up kalau kau betul betul nakkan sesuatu? Bukan ke kalau kau give up, it means you don't really want that particular thing. And if you really want that thing, you should keep trying and trying. Same thing goes to someone, that you claimed that you love that particular person. They asked me why I gave up back then. It was just, I got this confidence that, whatever happen, if we broke, we fell apart, we hateeach other or whatsoever, if that particular thing or someone, at the end cepat atau lambat, dalam keadaan macamanapon, that thing or that someone will for sure become mine. Thats all.

" Kalau suka seseorang, jauhkan diri dari dia. Waktu tu baru boleh define kau suka dia sebab nafsu atau semata-mata kerana Allah. Kalau suka sebab nafsu, kau tak boleh menjauh. Ada saja yang tak kena. Tapi, kalau kau sukakan dia semata-mata lillahi ta'ala, kau akan cuba kawal perasaan. Dan akan makin cuba jauhkan diri sebab takut zina hati. But you always mention that particular person's name without fail in your du'a. Sebab apa? Sebab kau tahu, hati dia Allah yang pegang.  Kalau ditanya, "sayang dia tak?" "Sayang" "Kalau sayang kenapa lepaskan dia?" Jawablah, "Sebab sayang." Simple but deep, nahh? Sebab sayang laa kau lepaskan dia. Kalau tak sayang, memang dah lama kau hanyutkan dia. Cinta aku, kau, kita limited edition. Maka? Lepaskan. Lepaskan cinta yang tidak halal. Biar Dia yang jaga. Biar Dia yang lindung. Fi hifzillah. Wahai kesayangan. Baik-baik dalam jagaan-Nya. :) "

When I read this I was like, exactly. Maybe I need time to value, what exactly I feel toward that particular person. Betul ke aku betul betul sayangkan dia. Boleh ke aku yakin yang semua tu bukan sebab nafsu semata. Nope. Bila aku pikir balik, ada betulnya. Memang bagi aku, aku serius and I think about my future. Orang yang akan ada dalam masa depan aku. Orang yang satu hari nanti akan bimbing aku. And I like that particular person for the values he has in himself. Aku nampak ciri ciri yang aku nak dalam dia. Tapi dalam masa yang sama aku rasa aku tak dapat nafi yang, aku ni kadang hanya ikut perasaan. Sampai bila kena uji macam ni, aku jatuh, aku lemah, aku menangis macam dah hilang harapan. Seolah olah thats the only thing matters in my life. Macam hilang benda tu boleh buat aku hilang semua makna hidup. Agak bodoh, kan?
Bila fikir balik yes it does seem dumb. But maybe it's because of myself. I'm not that strong honestly but look at me. I managed to get through all that and that means, Allah knows that I'm strong enough to face all the things He prepared for me. And, now I'm brave enough to say that I'm not worried at all. Yes I lost someone who I wanted in my future. And sebenarnya aku ada masalah dalam nak berkawan semula dengan orang orang baru because I'm really afraid to give trust and afraid to try. But I'm just feeling confident enough that one day, things that have meant to be with me, will come along and stay. The right thing. The right time. So, fi hifzillah to something or someone out there. One day we'll meet again, kalau ditetapkan macam tu. Siapa pon, apapon,aku doakan itu yang terbaik untuk semua.  

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Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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