Because of you. I don't know how to let anyone else in. Because of you. I find it hard to trust everyone around me. Because of you. I am afraid. Because of you. I try my hardest just to forget everything. Because of you I'm ashamed of my life, because it's empty, since the day you left. Nothing seemed okay. Nothing went right. During the day I'm happy. But at night I'm dying. Missing is hurting me too bad. Knowing you are such on ease without me hurts even more.. but still, it's still you. I know. I hope hatred will make things easier. But to hate, definitely not that easy. I was wrong thinking love can turn into deep hatred that easy. So why bother hating and forgetting and hurt myself even more.
Nevermind. I know sooner or later I will forget everything. Just like now. Time is functioning quite well I guess. I can't continue longing loving or missing. Nor can I forget everything by force. So I keep every single thing about you. Deep in my heart. It's you. Even you hurt me too bad. You crashed me into pieces. You stabbed me right in the heart. And you crashed the heart that once you asked me to hand it over you. Saying that it was just an accident. You accidentally fell into me. You accidentally liked me. And now everything is gone. Because they never meant anything to you. I know. I know it all. I understand it all. Am I dumb enough? To still, missing those smiles and laugh you used to create on my face? I remember those smiles and laugh, until I forgot this heart that had turned into pieces. It hurts. It hurts me to death. But I somehow forget the pain, because I'm still busy remembering all those laughter.
Only thing I have with me, is the memory about everything. How it started. How it grew along time. And exactly how it ended. I remember it all. Well, when I'm sad, let me use those memories to cherish myself for a while. Can I? Let me. Nothing more. Just let me cherish everything for a while. I need something to make me stronger too right. At least, while I'm still remember everything right now. Because one day, time will vanish everything away from me. I'm waiting for that moment. Moment when I become me. The old me. Before everything started. The moment, I have no single idea about you existing and living in this world.