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30 Apr 2016

30 APRIL 2016

 
 
Hohoho. Tetiba rasa nak update since si Shera dok kalut baca blog orang. Kepada Shera hoi, mu cari post pedu sudah yang lain jangan baca malu woi. Hahahaha.

So holla. Weekend ni membosankan k. Sebab cuti sampai isnin orang lain semua pakat balik and here I am tercongok sorang sorang kat sini haa. Sedih betul hidup. Nak balik jugak woi.

Ok aku baru lepas midterm test. Ya Allah aku tak tau la apa yang aku dah jawab. Masa jawab linguistic tu macam nak teriak weh. Aku bukak soalan ada 5 minit aku tenung soalan tu aku tak tau apa. Padahal semua dah baca tu, jadi otak aku macam shut down masa tu, satu benda aku takleh recall. Dah la masa sejam pahtu 5 soalan with 20 marks each ko rase tak gelabah bewak aku kat situ nak tulis apa sampai 20 markah tiap soalan. Memang rasa nak baling pen masa tu sebab stress gila.

Masa jawab literature ok lah jugak, but I know my answers weren't fine hahaha. Come on literature kot, bukan semua orang berotak sastera ok. Aku ingatkan aku ni dah jenih suka bermadah boleh lah paham tapi hampeh la segala poems yang ada bukan pasal heartbroken poems so aku tak paham. Haha.

Pahtu jawab edu pulak. Haha ini lagi lah. Sejarah. Memang mengantuk aku kat situ memikir jawapan. Haha. Walaupun aku rasa my anwers were crap, tapi aku tak tau kenapa aku tak stress. Hahaha. Next week got one more subject test, elc. Ini gagah la kot sebab boleh bawak kamus. Haha. Meaning it's hard as hell lah sampai kena bawak kamus. Tapi macam ok jugak la because it's reading comorehension and you just have to know how to create good sentences with logic meaning based on context la. Tapi aku ni jenih fail sikit nak buat ayat untuk conclude things ni so end up buat ayat hat paling simple tahap budak form 1 ja.

Enough with my busy life thingy. Haha. Kenapa rasa happy sangat entah ni menaip. Lama sangat kot tak menaip, takdak la lama mana tapi lama la jugak kan tak bercerita sensorang reminiscing things in life ni.

So actually I do feel much much better now and I'm glad for it. Dah takdak rasa terbeban dah. Even though sometimes it does hit me at unexpected times, you know out of the blue things just pop out in your mind and you feel a little bit sad but somehow you get over it quickly because it doesn't sadden you much the way it used to anymore. That's how I could describe things now. Because I finally kinda accept how things have change, a lot actually so it doesn't really matters to me anymore. Ya ya I know I keep saying that back then but turned out being crazy again haha but let us just pray for the best okay #prayforjasmin.

And. Can I say that I think I might have done something which I would say probably kinda stupid for me to do, after what I went through. I mean, I feel guilty for rejecting someone who confessed to me and I firmly rejected him. Is it okay. But it's just that, I don't feel the way he feels towards me. I do feel glad looking him, making efforts but I just can't. Not that I don't want to but I just can't. It's like I can't really feel anything now to anybody. It takes time for me to heal myself and I am still in the process of healing and maybe it would be a great way to just accept, maybe he can help me to forget my past, but I don't feel that would be nice for me to do so. You know, accepting someone just for helping me to forget someone else. I am sorry that I couldn't accept it but I hope you know that I am grateful for your feeling. Thanks for that.

And for that, sekarang aku lebih faham sebenarnya. Kadang kadang senang kita cakap kan, terima je orang yang hargai kita tu, appreciate orang yang sayang kita. Tapi kan, no matter how good that person is, kau memang tak boleh nak paksa perasaan kau sendiri untuk rasa benda yang sama. Walaupun nampak efforts dia, ikhlas dia tu tapi kalau kau tak rasa pape, kau tetap tak boleh terima. Frankly speaking, kalau terima pun hanya sebab simpati. Kesian. Itu je. And kali ni aku lagi faham pasal kisah aku sendiri. Tak kira macamana aku try, (dulu la sekarang tak dah eh aku dah malas), aku memang tak boleh paksa perasaan orang. Tak kira la aku kata aku dah sehabis mungkin sayang, hargai kau selama ni, tunggu kau tak pandang orang lain, tapi kalau dia tak rasa perasaan yang sama, tetap tak jadi apa. Sebab memang tak boleh paksa, tak boleh tipu diri sendiri. So alhamdulillah, sekarang ni aku syukur sangat sebab terstuck dalam situasi ni, sebab aku faham balik apa yang selama ni aku rasa sangat mendownkan aku bila pikir, orang yang aku hargai tak pernah hargai aku.

Okay. Dah gloomy tetiba kan. Masuk bab feeling ja terus berarak mendung kelabu. Haha it's part of our life, can't run from it. Hehe. So better sekarang pulihkan diri sendiri, bangun and build yourself, achieve what you want, your dreams and do things that you like, spend more time focusing on things that make you feel happy. Itu je. Of course it is hard, can't deny it. But look at me, I've gone through those bullshits and I am doing just fine. Yeah sometimes still ada rasa macam sedih sikit but, just ignore and get over it dengan karaoke dekat smule. Haha. Time nyanyi ni la you can sing your heart out, cari lagu meroyan yang jerit sikit baru puas. Haha.

Panjang benor ni. Dah la. Nak pegi tengok movie lah. Bye bye. Happy weekend, and selamat bercuti pekerja yang bekerja itu kami student pun cuti jugak hiks. Haha. Bye bye.


Terima Kasih Sudi Baca Cerita Saya ^^,

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