Just wondering, what should I do, when I fall with my own bestfriend, who already has a girlfriend. I can see how much he loves her. I know, but I can't just vanish these indescribable feelings I have, what I feel to him, I just can't vanish it right away. Walking away silently, that is what I'm trying to do. But, I still can't. Its hard, really. Once I like someone, its hard to pretend that nothing ever happen.
I can still smiling in front of him, pretend that nothing is going on, but deep inside, its really killing me. Seriously, I hate when I feel this. I wish I can back in time, when he and I were stranger, the moment we have no idea about each other. I want that moment back.
Maybe this is just the punishment, for me because I used to hurt someone before. Yes, probably. Yes, surely, this is the punishment for me. Serve me right, I guess. Yes, I'm trying to keep distance between us, but I hurt you, you notice that I'm slowly ignoring you, and you said that I hurt you by doing that. Sorry again, I just need to vanish these feelings I have, yes of course I value our frienship, and thats why I'm slowly ignoring you, just to vanish these feelings right away.
But, that statement you gave, really it shocked me. What should I say then, whatever we feel, we can't decide anything. Yes, just forget it. I know you are feeling guilty. But nevermind, just forget it. When we meet, I can stop myself from staring at you, and of course, the moment I leave you, the only thing I think, is you. I just can't stop. How I endu up liking you, I don't know. I really have no idea, when I started to like you. Why I like you, and how can I like you. Really, don't blame me for all these things happen between us, I just can't explain why :'(
I want to walk away, but I can't. You value this frienship, thats the reason I can't just simply walk away from you. I know its not fair, for you of course, because the one who having problem right now, is me. I'm the one who suppose to settle down all these feelings, and pursue our frienship as before. Give me some time. I'll try, and one of the first step, is ignoring you. I need to, so please understand.