Mungkin ni semua salah diri sendiri. Perasaan yang tak pernah berubah ni, buat aku ada expectation. Aku tak ada niat nak buat sesiapa rasa terpaksa. Sorry.
Sekarang ni maybe aku just overthink pasal semua ni. Maybe takdak benda pun but sebab aku overthink make me jump into conclusion and make me decide to stop and stay away form certain people. But, this thing seriously aku tak boleh stop pikir. Parah betul haha. Takpelah.
Mungkin sebab tu orang kata don't rely your happiness on people. Tapi, jujurnya aku dah lama tak happy. Bila dia muncul semula, aku jadi happy semula. Mungkin sebab aku tak berkawan dengan orang kot. I push people away. Bila rapat semula, jumpa semula tu, I was very happy. And bila hilang, semua rasa happy tu macam hilang jugak. What's wrong with me 😪
I'm sorry. Mungkin aku terlalu pikir benda ni, aku overthink buat aku rasa nak meluah macammacam. And if that makes you uncomfortable, sorry. That's why I try not to express too much, try jugak nak pendam but haih I can't. So sini je lah tempat nak meluah. Sebabnya rasa selamat sebab macam takdak orang baca (the truth maybe ada orang baca kot but whatever understand please jiwa kacau) haha
Hmm. Yah. Ok lah. Just. It hurts ok. It hurts that we end up become like stranger again. Again. I wanna say hi but then, you don't bother to talk to me kan, so I stop myself. If you don't bother to talk to me, why would I? Ego mungkin but, lebih kepada rasa malu dah. Malu nak terhegeh mungkin haha
No I'm not laughing. I'm not
I wonder how long I'll take to move on. Bertepuk sebelah tangan, is just too tiring. No matter how much you want to keep trying, maybe the best way is just give up. Not because you don't care. But because they don't. They don't care. Dan, perasaan. Mana boleh nak paksa kan? Kalau boleh paksa, dah lama aku bahagia move on dan terima orang lain yang ada dok tunggu. Itu yang aku fahamkan sekarang ni. Aku tak boleh paksa. Taknak paksa. Takkan paksa. But it hurts, seriously it hurts a lot.
I hate myself. Goodnight
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